November 24, 2003


I have requested some time in the space of my normal life to flip out of the ordinary, and have been rewarded. Small steps, but things are definitely twisting into unknown territory.

I feel dragged down a bit by the ever-weighted trail of pressure, to have already accomplished whatever pops into my mind as a possibility. Still, the two halves are melding together just a little - that part of myself that watches, judges, and laments; and that part of myself that actually gets the job done. Every once in a while it seems as if the two are joining forces to steer in the desired direction, instead of splitting - one side doubtful and ever-realistic, one side ready to just-get-going-already. In some sort of peculiar, shifting standoff they tug at each other and secretly hope that reinforcements arrive to carry the action side of myself to victory.

Instead, it seems as if they are bound together as unsettled long as I agree to open myself up to new experiences and less cynicism, and rewire my brain into thinking outside of itself for a change.

I got the chance this weekend, to get lots of sleep, to finally catch up on long-ago plans, to start up an old project, to experience the perfect relaxation of well-known company, to meet new people, get fresh air, sit in the sun, and slack off.

And now, only two more workdays 'til a 5-day vacation.

Posted by zippy at November 24, 2003 12:12 AM