May 27, 2004

Free at first

I realized something crazy today. Yes, it was mutually agreed upon and the deed was done, and I am a newly single person - an event that has not occured since i was NINETEEN. A month and a half away from 20 at the time, but hot damn. Boys boys boys boys boys for me.

I feel that great cavern in my chest, that is always felt when something filling up your life is replaced by nothing. I feel grateful that I do not have to fear the even greater void that comes when there is a blistering trail of anger and resentment left in the wake. Instead there is comfort, sadness, and the nervous anticipation of the future. How to save one's pride, to feel desirable again? How to erase the picture already forming, when confronted with HER (whoever she may be), when I must be all smiles and gaiety and joy? How to get to London?

I guess I've been living a fairly single life for a few months now anyway, so I'm not in total shock. The newest, strangest feeling of all (since it's been so long) is the maturity of experience backing me up, like a friend a long time coming.

Posted by zippy at May 27, 2004 9:48 AM